I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
