Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
