so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
