My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
