Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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