We're like a lot better than the average bears
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
