My pussy is not your playground.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
