I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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