I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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