Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
