is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
