If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
