My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
