One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
