i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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