Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
