also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
