Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
