my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
