I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
