she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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