Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
