I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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