can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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