I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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