I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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