I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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