Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You pole danced in your parka.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
