He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So much rum. So many feels.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
