Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
