What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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