everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
