I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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