Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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