i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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