This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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