so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
