I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
