Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm at about main and main street
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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