Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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