He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
FUCK WHALES
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
