now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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