i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
