we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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