I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think my fart just growled at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
