dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
