At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
