so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
