Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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