And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
