I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
